Brutal honesty

Germans will very often tell you exactly what they think – and be prepared, it isn’t always what you want to hear. I find it a tricky one to call; on the one hand, I find it almost refreshing that people don’t beat around the bush and there is no such thing as the overly polite superficiality that is socially expected in the UK. On the other hand, the extreme directness and “honesty” here often verges on the rude and there has been many a time in Germany where I’ve been left gobsmacked, wishing I had told the person to shut up and mind their own business.

I’ve noticed that the Germans are particularly frank when it comes to matters to do with children. The question is, is this kind of upfront approach for the greater good of being honest and to help you and your baby or is it just being rude, overly opinionated and downright nosey? One thing is for sure; if you are bringing up a child in Germany, you have to quickly develop some thick skin and learn to appreciate the no-nonsense approach. Either that or it will drive you mad!    

In Germany, it is common for a midwife to visit you every day for the first couple of weeks that you are home with your first child, which I have to say, is very reassuring and a great help. However, I vividly remember the first time our midwife, Ortrud, came to our house and whirl-winded around our home telling us how wrong the set-up was for our daughter; the changing table should have been in the bathroom, the cot along an internal wall for extra warmth, etc. We also urgently needed a “Heizlampe” (heat lamp) for her bedroom, because otherwise she would get too cold while having her nappy changed. By-the-way, it is usually 21 degrees in our house in mid-winter without the heating on.  She also told me I didn’t dress her warmly enough (quote “du bist soo Englisch!” You are soo English!”) or use enough blankets and how silly I was for taking her outside for a walk in the freezing cold mid-January.

One of the first times I did venture outside with my daughter, a bike pulled up alongside the pram. The lady proceeded to tell me that she was a nurse and that the toys hanging from the pram were too close to my daughter’s eyes and would damage them. I think I politely thanked her for sharing her wisdom and knowledge with me (blatantly lying through my teeth and not following her “admirable” honest approach!)

Good friends of ours, who have since left Germany, were also offered some friendly child “advice” from their neighbour downstairs.  According to the neighbour, their baby screamed too much. As an “Erzieherin” (child care worker), she knew when a child was screaming too much and they should really do something about it (as if they weren’t already trying.) 

So, my advice to you all is to grin and bear it. Tell your tale to your other expat friends, laugh and/or blog about it. Wouldn’t life be boring if everyone were polite and nice to you the whole time anyway?